Here we go again!!!

Me?
Writing?
Again?

Don't you see how long it's been?!?!?
And for what I thought, GOOD reason!!!
Whyyyyy put myself out there?!?!?!?

The girl who as a child had one locked diary and yet, for whatever reason, would rip out the pages where I'd make an entry and crumple it to toss into the trash.

The girl who doesn't even know how many books I've ever actually read from cover to cover.
And not because it's a huge number.
No. Because it's a very low number.
I just don't know how low.

The girl who had an online journal in college, and I'd delete the entries after making them from sheer fear of WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK and DID I SAY PROPERLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY...

Then. The girl who entered both motherhood and my career in photography at the same time.... so of course I needed to have a place to look back on for stories, pictures and such.... and so my clients could see what it is I do.

Well.
Some "friends" harshly made fun of me and left me second guessing everything.
So I let that go, too.

Y'all. I'm ashamed of that.

I let the wrong thing go.

I should have let their opinions go...
But, nope.
I channeled my silence.
I took my opinions.
My creations.

And I held them tight, tight, tightly to myself.

The fear. It was crippling.

I’ve remained me, but a silenced one.


I had this journal but I had kept it quiet to begin with..... and honestly, I completely forgot about it until I went to restart one of these things. I actually rejoiced that I still had content here.... because my babies deserve it. The history. The insight.

But.

Over the last 4 or so years God has been nudging me to put out into the world the thoughts I have, my approach to things, my heart....

I've fought it tooth and nail.

And day after day I've been reminded I need to write.

So. Here we are.

January 2018.

And I'm going to write.

And I am going to be brave.

And it's all going to be perfectly imperfect.

And I'm not going to delete it.

Because I have these 2 beautiful daughters who are currently 7 & 5 and they deserve to one day sit down and have a real, raw, relational glimpse into the life of their mother.

I don't know what's to come, but I know that I've set weekly "writing dates"....

so.....

here we go....