At 5 she found her husband....

Dear Daughters,

One day you will fall in love.

And in the mean time, I plan to dialogue the heck out of this topic with you both.
You're welcome, or I'm sorry.
I'm not sure yet.

I know some of your friends have "crushes" and such already.
And while that is harmless, I really don't desire that for you.
Not yet. That's for sure.

Of course, I'm new to this mothering thing, but at the ages of 5&7, I am in NO hurry to hurry this along.

However.

~~~~

Emily, two years ago at a normal bedtime you told me you had found your future husband.

Well, let me first say. The day I learned I was pregnant, I began praying daily for your future spouse.
And that night, I was NOT expecting you to say those words.

In fact, up until that moment you still seemed dead set on marrying your daddy, so I was shocked that it all changed so fast. LOL!

It was a big moment for me.
I was tired, I had stuff to do, and I was caught completely off guard. I had not "prepared" for that convo, especially not that evening.

But something in me paused. I asked God to give me wisdom before I even opened my mouth.

(For those new to having a relationship with The Lord, I literally just in my thoughts took a few moments and thought something like "Oh Lord, this is a conversation I am soooooo not prepared for, PLEASE give me wisdom." It doesn't have to be complicated... I promise.)

I didn't giggle.
I didn't say "awwww how cuuuuute your first crush".... nope!

(I know this is something that plays into her entire life so I took the time to thoughtfully dialogue with her.)

I asked you who it was, and then I asked what things about him you most liked.

And I dug for the CHARACTERISTICS that you identified. And that's where we spent our conversation.

You liked things like:
-he makes everyone laugh. We talked about humor and joy.
-he is kind. We talked about kindness and gentleness.
-he plays with her and everyone else. We talked about attention and where we invest our time.

Oh! We talked and talked.

Then I told you that I have been praying for your future spouse since the day I learned I was pregnant and I asked if for the first time together, if we could pray for that special person. I reminded you of the many, many, many, many reasons I love you. I talked with you about how much I LOVEEEEE living with you, and how when the day comes for you to live with your Husband that I will love watching that (from afar) too!!!! And we prayed.

And it was beautiful.

~~~~

And so far, ha!, 2 years later, we identify and dialogue characteristics she likes and doesn't like in others.

Because, if I don't take the time now to talk with her about her future... I'm afraid she will listen to the voices willing to "take the time" later.

And I am so not okay with that.

Here we go again!!!

Me?
Writing?
Again?

Don't you see how long it's been?!?!?
And for what I thought, GOOD reason!!!
Whyyyyy put myself out there?!?!?!?

The girl who as a child had one locked diary and yet, for whatever reason, would rip out the pages where I'd make an entry and crumple it to toss into the trash.

The girl who doesn't even know how many books I've ever actually read from cover to cover.
And not because it's a huge number.
No. Because it's a very low number.
I just don't know how low.

The girl who had an online journal in college, and I'd delete the entries after making them from sheer fear of WHAT WOULD PEOPLE THINK and DID I SAY PROPERLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY...

Then. The girl who entered both motherhood and my career in photography at the same time.... so of course I needed to have a place to look back on for stories, pictures and such.... and so my clients could see what it is I do.

Well.
Some "friends" harshly made fun of me and left me second guessing everything.
So I let that go, too.

Y'all. I'm ashamed of that.

I let the wrong thing go.

I should have let their opinions go...
But, nope.
I channeled my silence.
I took my opinions.
My creations.

And I held them tight, tight, tightly to myself.

The fear. It was crippling.

I’ve remained me, but a silenced one.


I had this journal but I had kept it quiet to begin with..... and honestly, I completely forgot about it until I went to restart one of these things. I actually rejoiced that I still had content here.... because my babies deserve it. The history. The insight.

But.

Over the last 4 or so years God has been nudging me to put out into the world the thoughts I have, my approach to things, my heart....

I've fought it tooth and nail.

And day after day I've been reminded I need to write.

So. Here we are.

January 2018.

And I'm going to write.

And I am going to be brave.

And it's all going to be perfectly imperfect.

And I'm not going to delete it.

Because I have these 2 beautiful daughters who are currently 7 & 5 and they deserve to one day sit down and have a real, raw, relational glimpse into the life of their mother.

I don't know what's to come, but I know that I've set weekly "writing dates"....

so.....

here we go....

2018. About ME!

Hi World!

It's been a while, let's catch up!

I'm Lauren!

I am 31 years old and I live right outside of Austin, TX in the cutest, most charming town in all of Texas.... Georgetown!

In 2008 I graduated with my B.A. in Vocal Performance and married the love of my life, William Laing.
We bought our first home around the time of our wedding.
We traveled a great deal.
It truly was a great year.

Together we have two girls: Emily & Maggie and a Parti Yorkie: Georgio Crockett.
Georgio after George Washington and Georgetown... only fancier.... and Crockett because Texas History. Yah.... our first grader (at the time) named him. Haha!

I love being a mom.
Love it.
I don't love the exhaustion that comes with the job, but it is the most fulfilling title I have ever held.

I LOVE trying my hand at making everything around me as beautiful as possible.
If we create our life, why not?!?!

Turning our house into a home is a complete JOY and every choice I make while doing so, is done with intention.
I want you to feel welcome.
I want you to feel safe.
I want you to have a place where you belong.


Being able to call out the greatness in others gives me LIFE.
And for whatever reason, it's not something I look to do, it just happens.
And it's a joy. And an honor.

I literally focus on making sure I laugh at least once a day.
I mean, even in the darkest darkest darkest seasons, I can muster a simple haha at something.
Even if it feels forced. I tryyyyy to find one thing. It's usually something I do. HA!
Joy. It comes from The Lord.
It's important to me.

I just love life.... well, except the parts that are heartbreaking.
But overall, I'm a lover of it.

I'm known for saying that "I do real life"...
Which just means, if I'm a friend of yours, I want to be there for all of it.
The good, the bad, the ugly.

I struggle with relationships that don't seem to have depth to them.
Give me more than just the guarded "I'm fine, everything is fine".... because I can't help but feel like none of us are always perfectly fine.
And I feel like I'm being lied to. Or like you don't want me around.
So I get awkward and it's hard for me to know how to play a role in your life.
But we have seasons for sure where things are fine, but with time I crave depth.

At 31 years old, I am just learning how to not be afraid to share my story.
There has been a lot of pain in my life.
Also a lot of victory.
I chose years ago I am not a victim. So I chose to put my hurts and wins at the feet of Jesus and continue moving on looking for the next way I can show love to this world.

Now I realize, my pain could quite possibly be similar to your pain.
My victories, could be possible to yours.
And if I walked it.... you can too.
And it all matters.
And it is worth sharing.

And I am first to admit that I am one of the crazy ones...
the ones that believe that maybe,
just maybe,
I can play a role in changing the world.

Not for me, but for my babies.